Nature
by headtrip parade
Summary: Teenagers, peer pressure, and not knowing what you can and can't handle- Maddie goes to a party. Future fic.
1. Chapter 1

**I wanted to explore an issue for Maddie that could be very real for her someday. It's been at the back of my head ever since she stood up at Teddy's wedding and said "since I'm not old enough to drink yet..." Plenty of angst, but I might throw in some love later on. :) Enjoy.**

* * *

The 2017 BMW pulled slowly into the grassy parking area.

Maddie sighed, resting her elbow on the window. She could feel the bitter cold through the glass as she watched Talia throw the vehicle into park and immediately pull down the mirror on her visor to fix her make-up.

She shivered. This was not her idea of a fun time.

"How long do we have to stay?" She asked, still making no attempt to prepare herself for the biting December wind.

Talia rolled her eyes, scrunching her blonde curls and giving her face one last glimpse before closing the mirror.

"Longer than five minutes, if you don't mind. I've been waiting all week for this."

Maddie sighed.

"I hate parties."

"You've never been to a party like this," Talia smirked, eyeing her longtime friend mischievously. "It'll be fun. And you know Weston will be here. You know he's completely into you."

"My parents will kill me."

Talia rolled her eyes again, reaching for Maddie's coat in the backseat and handing it to her.

"Isn't your curfew eleven on the weekends? They'll never know."

Maddie took the coat reluctantly.

"It's only eleven because they trust me. I really need to be studying for my finals, anyway. Monday comes quick."

"Madeline!" Talia groaned. "You know you'd pass those finals in your sleep. Why do you think you're the only one in our class getting to graduate a semester early?"

Maddie stared ahead silently. She'd worked so hard to complete her credits in December, largely in part so she could go ahead and start pursuing music professionally. She'd bargained a lot with her mother to finally have her acceptance, but it also helped that Deacon was able to put in a good word or two since they'd gotten married.

"Seriously, Mad. All the more reason to celebrate. Now let's go!"

Sighing and still silent, Maddie put her coat on and opened the door.

She couldn't help but feel she'd grown apart from Talia recently, as Talia had become grossly focused on money, appearances, boys, partying, and generally just staying away from home. It was easy, really. Her father was more involved with his other family and her mother spoiled her with no structure because she felt sorry for her. That's the assessment Rayna gave when Talia was suspended for truancy, anyway.

Maddie couldn't have been more opposite. She excelled in school, spent most of her free time playing and writing music, and preferred her simple Honda to Talia's loaded BMW.

She gazed at the massive farm house in front of her, observing a couple of people smoking outside as she and Talia approached the porch. The bass from the stereo system inside pounded through her feet as she walked up the stoop. She knew being here wasn't the best idea and she did truly believe that her parents would actually kill her, but she put all of it in the back of her head. It was just for a little while, right?

* * *

9:32.

Maddie sighed and shoved her phone into her back pocket. They'd been at the party for an hour already, though it seemed like much longer. Talia was hard to keep up with and she only knew a couple of other people in attendance. To keep herself occupied, she'd wandered around the house a little, looking at the photos and admiring the rustic décor. She honestly wasn't even sure whose home it was. The closest she came was a quick glance at the letter organizer in the kitchen where she found an envelope addressed to a Dr. Graham Keller.

She surmised Dr. Keller was either out of town or very irresponsible, based on the number of beers and Jell-O shots she'd turned down. She'd already counted three for Talia, much to her frustration. She'd gotten stuck acting as Talia's designated driver once before and she wanted to nip it in the bud before it became a habit. She sighed, guessing that wasn't happening tonight.

Growing tired of entertaining herself and fighting the stares of everyone wondering about "that quiet girl," she climbed the elaborate staircase. The hallway was brightly lit and she found most of the doors to be shut, with the exception of one at the end of the corridor.

Approaching slowly, she peered inside to notice that the room was a very large loft-style bonus room overlooking one of the living rooms below. She found Talia sitting on a leather sectional couch with one other girl and two boys. A bottle of Gentleman Jack sat on the table in front of them.

She cleared her throat, unsure if they'd even be able to hear her over the obnoxiously loud rap music and their own laughter.

Talia looked up, her eyes bright and her hair a tangled mess of curls. Her face was red and Maddie assumed from how hot it was in the room.

"Hey! There you are."

Maddie walked to the couch, sitting down slowly on the edge of the cushion.

"I wasn't sure if there was anyone up here. I was looking for you."

Talia outstretched her arm, pointing at the other people one by one.

"This is Brittany, Kyle, and Weston. You know Weston, I think. Guys, this is Maddie."

Maddie smiled shyly, giving another glance to Weston.

He was cute, certainly, with dark waves that fell just below his ears and piercing green eyes. Talia had always said he was interested in Maddie, but Maddie just assumed it was Talia knowing everything about nothing. He knew nothing about her, anyway. They merely sat next to each other in Ecology.

"It's really cool you came," He said, flashing a smile. "I'd been asking Talia if you were going to."

"Is this your party?"

Weston shook his head, pointing to the other boy having his own conversation on the other side of the couch.

"No, no. It was this cat's idea. You need a drink?"

Maddie smiled politely, shaking her head.

"No thanks. I have to drive and then study when I get home."

"Seriously?" Talia rolled her eyes and laughed, scooting closer to the two. "One drink is not going to kill you. Stop giving everyone an excuse to call you prude."

"I really don't—" Maddie continued to protest, but was cut off when Talia placed a shot glass full of the Gentleman Jack in front of her. Her breath caught in her throat.

She had convinced herself of the notion that her refusal to partake in the activity was purely based on being responsible, when in reality it was blind fear of what she didn't know.

She studied the amber liquid, not completely lost on its power. It looked no different than the bottom of her Coke glass when all the ice had melted and there was nothing but watery soda and her backwash, but she knew better. She had heard stories of what this ounce and a half could do and she had seen it when her mom was in the car wreck.

It had taken a lot of work from everyone, but in three and a half years everything had fallen into place. Teddy finally accepted her relationship with Deacon, Deacon and Rayna had gotten married two summers ago and it finally felt like Maddie had her family back and then some. She had three parents who loved her unconditionally and she often found herself overcome with gratitude.

Still, though, she knew in her heart that something so seemingly small as this shot of whiskey had robbed her of thirteen years with her real father, a man whom she could never imagine not having in her life now. To this day she watched him struggle—he still went to meetings on the regular and she'd overheard him once or twice talking to his sponsor on the phone.

Talia knew everything. She'd been with Maddie through all of the mess, so Maddie couldn't figure out for the life of her why her supposed best friend was begging her to tempt fate.

She'd often wondered what her first drink would be like—would she hate it, or would she love it too much? Should she even ever have a first drink? She could find out right now in one swift gulp, she thought. Would she be able to handle it by defying nature and giving into nurture, or was her nature too dark to be overcome?


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone for the kind reviews of the first chapter, and thanks a ton to Shiny Jewel for the input when I found myself to be a little stuck. :) This is way harder to write than I thought it would be, but I still think it's an interesting concept to tackle and I'm excited about it. I'm thinking there will be one more chapter after this. Enjoy!**

* * *

"…_and if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew… you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say—"_

Rayna stopped herself short, realizing that she had sang along to the _Golden Girls_ theme song without realizing it. She looked up from her iPad and around the room, feeling the need to verify that no one was in fact around to hear it. She knew Deacon was in the shower, Daphne was preparing for bed and Maddie was at Talia's, but none of that knowledge helped. Embarrassed, she muted the TV.

Smiling to herself, she took a sip of her tea and reveled in the fact that her life had finally come down to where it needed to be. For so long, she had been a nervous mess—there was always something with Deacon, or Teddy, or her father, or the label… now, it seemed her biggest worry was if anyone knew she knew the Golden Girls.

As she sat her tea mug on the end table, she caught a glance of the Tiffany yellow diamond on her hand. She was sure that she finally had it all: a thriving business of her own, the marriage she had always wanted, and two perfect daughters; one of whom was mere days from receiving her high school diploma a full semester ahead of her classmates.

_Bliss._

She didn't want to let the word travel through her head, but she couldn't help it. It simply was.

Her thoughts were startled when her phone vibrated beneath the couch pillow she was half laying on. She put her iPad aside, using her free hand to dig the phone out.

_Maddie._

She looked at the clock on the cable receiver. It read 10:38. She sighed, assuming her eldest was going to ask for an extended curfew.

"Hey, sweetheart—"

"MOM?!"

The shrill, shrieking panic in her daughter's caused her to sit upright immediately, knocking her iPad to the floor.

"Maddie? What's wrong?"

"She won't wake up!"

Rayna froze, feeling her entire body go cold.

"Who, honey? What's-?"

"Talia! We were at this party and she got really drunk and I was driving her home but now she won't wake up!"

Rayna closed her eyes, trying to suppress the chunks rising in her throat. Memories she'd thought were burned away forever came creeping back, cutting her very soul to the core. She felt her hands beginning to shake, but she knew she had to steady herself. She had been here too many times before and as much as she hated it, her little girl needed her help.

"Is she breathing?"

"I don't know," Maddie choked through her sobs. "I think so."

"Sweetheart, listen. You need to slap her face as hard as you can and pinch her arm. It's okay if you break the skin; you just need to see if she responds to anything."

Rayna fought the tears as she listened to her daughter's innocence being sucked right out of her while she screamed her best friend's name and smacked her around. Oh, how she'd wanted to protect her from anything like this.

"She looked at me for a minute then closed her eyes again. Should I call an ambulance?"

"Where are you?"

"Woodmont Park."

"Honey, you'll get to St. Thomas faster than an ambulance will get to you. Drive her there right now and I'll meet you. Make sure her seat is upright so she doesn't throw up and choke, okay?"

"Okay," Maddie squeaked. "Mom?"

Rayna was already grabbing her purse and slipping on her Uggs at the front door.

"Baby, just drive. I love you."

She hung up the phone as she was running out the door, not even bothering to go upstairs and clue Deacon into what was happening. She found herself petrified for not only their daughter's wellbeing and that of her friend, but for his as well. She didn't know what awaited her in the emergency room; she wasn't even sure what condition Maddie was in.

All she knew at that moment was utter dread.

* * *

"_I really don't want it, Talia."_

_Maddie's gaze became chillier by the second. Talia simply rolled her eyes, as she'd done so many times that night already. The others in the room awkwardly watched the exchange. _

"_So you're just always going to make me out to be the crazy drunk girl while you sit there all perfect? Is that it? You can't even have my back just this once?"_

_Maddie furrowed her eyebrows. Talia's sudden frustration was nothing short of confusing._

"_What are you talking about?"_

"'_Wah wah wah.' It's all you ever do," She looked to the two boys on the other side of the couch, gesturing wildly with her hands. "It's all she ever does. 'My daddy drinks too much so I can't take one little shot.'"_

"_TALIA!" Maddie screamed, her voice tinged with equal parts anger and hurt. The look in her eyes begged the girl to stop her tangent. She really had no idea where this resentment was coming from._

_Talia edged closer, putting her face so close Maddie could feel her breath. Her eyes were like knives, dicing Maddie to pieces. _

"_You're such a chicken shit."_

_Maddie looked down at her trembling hands. She was hurt; she was mad; she was embarrassed. She'd been friends with this girl since third grade and now here they were—at a party they shouldn't have gone to, one cutting the other to shreds for no apparent reason aside from her own personal problems. In front of others, no less. _

_She reasoned that maybe taking the shot would be the best thing. It might bring Talia off her ledge, everyone at the party who called her a prude could suck it, and at this point it might quell her anxiety. _

_She wrapped her hand around the glass, swearing she could feel the burn radiating in her finger tips as they curled around it. All she had to do was pick it up. It'd be so easy—and she'd no longer be a chicken. She'd be brave, right?_

_She closed her eyes and lifted the glass towards her mouth, not once looking at anyone in the room._

_Talia watched, mesmerized. _

_This was it, Maddie thought. _

_This was it… until everything, every emotion, and every bit of her conscience flooded her all at once. The levee broke and she screamed, throwing every drop of the precious spirit in her friend's face._

* * *

Maddie picked at her thumbnails numbly as she sat in the ER waiting room, rehashing the moment in her head over and over. By now she felt guilty, believing that had she not lost her temper and thrown the drink in Talia's face, had she not gone and hidden in the stables and cried by herself for nearly an hour, had she stayed… maybe Talia wouldn't have gotten so out of control.

She rested her puffy eyes in her hands, looking up only when she felt her mother's hand gingerly touch her shoulder.

She looked up, meeting Rayna's eyes with such fear and fatigue that she couldn't fight the tears immediately spilling down her cheeks.

Rayna held her close, whispering over and over that everything was going to be okay.

Her own tears fell into Maddie's light brown hair as she prayed she was right.


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, here's the end. This was certainly challenging, but I had a great time writing it. Thanks for the reads and reviews! **

* * *

Rayna sighed with exhaustion as she placed a lid on the vending machine hot chocolate. Maddie hadn't asked for it, but she'd used hot chocolate as a coping mechanism since she was a small child. Sure, it was obviously a naïve thought to assume that a packet of Swiss Miss could rid the world of all its problems, but Rayna knew that it had always come closest.

She walked back to the waiting area, extending the warm paper cup to her daughter and smiling reassuringly. Maddie accepted the cup quietly and nodded her thanks.

"So," Rayna began, shifting her weight in the especially uncomfortable chair. "Do you think you'll ever drink coffee like the rest of us?"

Maddie shrugged.

"I just like hot chocolate."

Rayna took a sip of her own hot vending machine beverage, quickly dismissing it as some lethal toxin and sitting it on the ground at her feet.

"I talked to Talia's mom. They're watching her closely. They think she'll be fine."

Maddie nodded, staring intensely at the paper cup in her hand.

"What did they do to her?"

"Well," Rayna shrugged. "I don't know exactly. She's probably on an IV for dehydration and hooked up to some monitors so they can watch her breathing and everything. Sometimes they might give someone an oxygen mask if they're having trouble, or…"

She trailed off; vividly remembering the time when Deacon was so far gone they had to intubate him to make sure he didn't stop breathing. It was the night after Vince died, she remembered. They hadn't told her how bad he was or that they'd done the procedure; they'd just let her wander in. Her blood went cold as she recalled walking into his room and seeing him lifeless on the bed with a tube down his throat. She remembered the feeling of her knees buckling and the harsh wails escaping her lungs as she sank to the icy tile floor, certain this was the time he'd never come back to her.

"Or what?"

Rayna shivered, forcing herself back to reality.

"Huh?"

"You said 'or' and never finished. Or what?"

Rayna gave another sympathetic, albeit reassuring smile and placed her hand on Maddie's knee.

"Nothing. She'll be fine from this, but I think they'll send her for some therapy. She'll probably need a lot of help dealing with whatever is really happening. She hasn't had a healthy outlet or anyone to support her and help her work through her feelings. I think this was just a cry for help gone wrong."

"I don't know. I guess," Maddie shrugged, still fixated on the hot chocolate cup. "Does Deacon know we're here?"

"Well, he's been calling. I texted him and told him you and I had stepped out for some ice cream, but I don't think he's buying it. I was kinda hoping you'd tell me what happened before I made that phone call," Her fingers made their way to Maddie's head, stroking her hair behind her ear. "So do you wanna talk about it?"

Maddie sighed.

"Not really. She made me go to this stupid party I didn't want to go to. We got into a horrible fight and she got drunk. That's it."

"That's a short story," Rayna pressed on, still playing with Maddie's hair. "What'd you fight about?"

"Nothing. It was completely ridiculous."

"Okay. How'd you end up at Woodmont Park?"

Maddie fidgeted.

"I was driving her home and when I noticed she wasn't waking up I pulled over."

Rayna nodded, lowering her hand back to her lap. Her next question was the one she didn't want to ask, but knew she had to.

"Did _you_ drink anything?"

Maddie grew frigid, slowly drawing into herself.

"Maddie?"

Rayna's voice was soft; almost soothing. She needed her daughter to understand that she wasn't angry—that she'd be there for her no matter what mistakes she made.

"No," Maddie shook her head and Rayna let out the breath she wasn't even aware she'd been holding. "Everyone was trying to get me to, especially Talia. She got really mean and said some really hurtful things when I wouldn't. I lost my temper and threw a drink in her face. That was the fight. Can we go home now?"

Maddie raised her eyes to her mother's for the first time since Rayna had brought her the hot chocolate. Her eyes were red and her face was puffy; she looked beaten.

"You don't want to wait 'til you can see her?"

"No. They said it could be hours before she's awake."

Rayna nodded, digging her phone out of her purse.

"I'm going to call Deacon real quick so he'll stop worrying. Then we can go, okay?"

Maddie nodded in agreement, though she was unable to shake the agonizing feeling gnawing at her. She hurt for her friend and felt partly responsible for not taking better care of her, but she also hurt for her parents. Rayna had been so careful to be understanding since she'd shown up at the hospital, but Maddie couldn't help but feel like she'd disappointed her. The gut wrenching feeling of knowing she'd likely disappointed her father was also overwhelming.

Perhaps it was buyer's remorse for putting herself in the situation at all, or maybe the disappointment was subtly showing through Rayna's grace. She couldn't tell one way or the other, but the thought was making her sick.

"Mom?" Maddie grabbed Rayna's hand as she walked away, forcing her to turn around. "How mad is he going to be?"

Rayna smiled softly, kneeling to Maddie's eye level.

"He'll be worried about you, sweetheart. I think he'll also be very grateful that you're okay."

Maddie cocked her head to the side and raised her eyebrow.

"So I'm supposed to believe he won't be angry?"

"No. He's your dad, Maddie. And I'm your mama. You broke the rules. We'll both be furious, but I figure that can wait 'til tomorrow."

* * *

Maddie closed the door softly behind her, kicking off her shoes and placing them neatly on the mat in the foyer. She took in a breath as she gathered her surroundings, finding that the only sign of life came in the form of a dim light shining from the living room.

She trudged forward apprehensively. She was pretty sure of what was coming; she knew Deacon had a temper, drunk or not. She'd seen it a couple of times, the worst being when someone tried to blatantly plagiarize one of his songs. He'd once told her that a song was like a child. You create it, nurture it and build the foundation for what it's going to ultimately be and where it's going to go. She liked the metaphor at the time, but seeing his reaction to something to do with one of his songs and knowing that she was his actual child and had screwed up so royally kind of scared the hell out of her.

She stepped into the living room, Rayna in tow.

Deacon was already standing by the couch, hands on his hips as his flannel pants and t-shirt hung loosely off him. His face was completely stoical, while his eyes shifted intensely back and forth from Maddie to Rayna.

They were full of worry, Maddie saw. There was also a small bit of relief, but to her surprise there was no anger. She let her breath out quietly, watching as he nodded softly to her mother.

Rayna kissed Maddie on the temple and squeezed her shoulder, saying nothing as she slowly turned and walked out of the room.

Maddie stared at the floor and listened carefully to each soft thud her mother left behind on the staircase.

_Here it was_, she thought. This was the part she dreaded.

She braced herself, completely fearing the unknown words that she knew were about to come out of his mouth.

She'd expected him to yell. She may have even expected him to judge her, or simply walk away. What she hadn't expected was him to swiftly approach her and wrap his arms around her tightly.

She also hadn't expected to feel silent tears fall on her head.

Her breath was shaky as she wrapped her arms around him, embracing immense comfort for the first time that evening.

"Deacon?" She sought him out with her voice, never once unwrapping her arms from him or unburying her face from his chest.

"Hmm?"

"I thought about taking that drink."

She knew her mother had told him all that she'd revealed, but she'd left that part originally. She wasn't sure why she'd kept it from Rayna—it wasn't even something she'd done on purpose, but it had been weighing on her mind heavily along with everything else. It wasn't until that moment that she felt comfortable enough in her vulnerability to say it out loud. Maybe, she thought, she'd saved it for him because she knew he would understand.

He didn't say anything; he only gripped her tighter.

They stood like that for what felt like hours. It was just them—a scared girl and her father, trying their best to build something great on the ruins of a life they never got to have. Four years had brought them a long way, but there was still so much to be learned; to be shared.

"We'll go get your car tomorrow."

That was all he said, still not letting her go.

She sighed, knowing fully the odds of her actually getting to drive her car anywhere but school were slim to nil for a while.

"How long am I grounded?"

He pulled back slightly, finally looking her in the eye. He didn't blink, breathe, or hesitate in any way.

"Forever. Definitely."


End file.
